Compartmentalize vs. Self-Care
What is compartmentalization? Well, AI in a google search says it is a defense mechanism where conflicting thoughts, feelings or experiences are kept separate or isolated within the mind to reduce cognitive dissonance (mental discomfort) and anxiety. Who does it? I would say, almost everyone to a certain degree. Why do we do it? In my opinion, it’s because that is what we know.
I used to pride myself on being good at compartmentalizing situations that occurred in my life. I was often asked how I was able to witness or experience something that was not so great and continue walking through life unscathed/normal (or so they thought). It was when my healing journey began that I truly realized the harm that occurred when I compartmentalized my thoughts/feelings/memories of certain situations. I was exceptional at using this avoidance tool. At the time, I never thought of it as that; I always thought it was a skill that I developed over time to overcome the trauma/wounds/scary situations/negative events that occurred in my life. All the while, it affected my thoughts, behaviours and was literally building up in my physical body as dis-ease/ailments.
This defense mechanism is not only used when there are big scary events that occur in our lives. I personally used this tool every day to literally distract myself, push my thoughts to the side, swallow my feelings, put my head down and push forward. Of course, I did express my feelings at surface level (sadness, anger etc.), I just never really acknowledged, understood them or processed them. There is a difference.
My feelings built up over time and eventually they reached a point where I would cry at the drop of a hat and not even know why. If we rush past our thoughts and feelings by repressing them and not acknowledging them, they remain with us; buried beneath the surface. Any situation that you are a part of or witness may affect you in some way, even watching the news can cause you mental/emotional discomfort or anxiety. We are emotional beings! It doesn’t have to be a large scale, emotionally, disturbing or distressing event to be worthy of our attention.
Now, in no way do I think most people will stop, acknowledge and process their thoughts and emotions every second of the day…seems a little excessive, right? But I do believe it is reasonable to show ourselves self-love by taking time each day (or set time over the weekend) to self-reflect about our experiences that day/week. Ask ourselves the tough questions “How do I feel about that?”; “Why do I feel that way?”; “What did I learn from that?”. It is ideal to work through them as they occur, however it has been my experience setting planned time is the next best thing. The key is to recognize your thoughts and feelings in real time as situations occur.
If you see this in yourself, my wish for you is to take time to self-reflect (self-care). Notice how easy it is to overlook or pass off a situation that you don’t even realize has affected you. Most of all, come to the understanding you are worthy of the time and effort it takes to know and heal yourself.
With Blessings,
Charlene